94+ fantasy football curses to put on your opponent

Trash talk, hexes and jinxes for every position. Steal one for the group chat, or let the witch pick a victim from your real matchup and hand you a share card.

🔮 Hex my fantasy opponent

Quarterback curses

[Player] will scan the entire field, find nobody open, and take a 9-yard sack for his trouble.
Every deep ball [Player] throws lands exactly one inch out of bounds.
[Player] will throw a pick-six, then a safety, then apologize to his offensive line in the post-game presser.
[Player] will throw for 340 yards and 0 touchdowns. The efficiency of a parking ticket.
Coach will call 4 straight handoffs inside the 5. For [Player], the end zone is a rumor.
[Player] gets the 3rd-and-long checkdown treatment. 2 yards. Punt. Repeat until Monday.
[Player] will be pressured on 9 of 10 dropbacks. The tenth is a screen that gets blown up for a loss.
[Player] audibles into a play the receivers did not audible into.
[Player] throws a perfect spiral to a guy who is not wearing his team's jersey.
[Player] leads a 14-play, 9-minute drive that ends in a field goal. Fantasy points: 1.6.
[Player] gets hit on the arm in the first quarter and "plays through it" at 41% accuracy.
[Player] takes a knee 3 times with the lead. History books will not mention the fantasy cost.
The play clock hits zero on [Player] four separate times. Five yards. Five yards. Five yards.
[Player] slides before the first-down marker, a moral victory for his health and nobody else.
Garbage time arrives early for [Player]: 29 points of garbage, scored by the other team.

Running back curses

[Player] gets stuffed on 3rd-and-1, 4th-and-1, and the goal line. Vulture season is here.
A backup RB with an unpronounceable name will score twice on 6 carries. He is on nobody's roster.
[Player] rushes 22 times for 51 yards. A heroic, beautiful, useless day.
[Player] will fumble on his first touch and live in the doghouse until the 4th quarter.
[Player]'s offensive line takes the day off. Spiritually.
The team goes up 21 early and [Player] gets a pat on the head and 4 snaps.
[Player] breaks a 40-yard run and is tackled at the 1. The backup scores. Of course he does.
[Player] gets 3 yards per carry and one 2-yard catch on a screen. Efficient. In a sad way.
[Player] is "listed as the lead back" and then watches a 3-man committee eat his lunch.
[Player] gets stuffed so hard the broadcast shows a replay in slow motion, from three angles.
[Player] gets the ball 4 times inside the 10. The pylon, however, is fine.
Coach says [Player] is "fresh" and sits him for the entire second half of a close game.
[Player] runs for 98 yards, one short of the bonus, then goes down on the kneel-down. Scorched.
[Player] loses 11 yards on a toss sweep. The most creative loss of the season.

Wide receiver curses

[Player] gets 11 targets and catches 3 of them. The other 8 are "contested".
[Player] gets shadowed by a corner who just signed an extension and needs to prove it.
[Player] drops a wide-open touchdown, then celebrates anyway for 40 seconds.
The QB looks at [Player] exactly once: a 3-yard out on 3rd-and-9.
[Player] scores a 60-yard TD. It is called back for holding on a guy named Gary.
[Player] is the primary read on every play... for the other team's film study.
[Player] runs a beautiful route, gets open, and the QB throws it to the other receiver. Who was covered.
[Player] tears an uncatchable ball out of the air and... steps out of bounds. By a toe.
[Player]'s coach discovers the run game at the exact moment [Player] was due a breakout.
[Player] gets 14 targets in garbage time with the game already lost. Points: 3.8.
[Player] is questionable with an injury he sustained "reaching for the remote".
[Player] does a touchdown dance for a TD that is overturned by review. Slowly. With zoom.
[Player] gets quarantined by a cornerback named Cornelius who has never been beaten. Ever.

Tight end curses

[Player] stays in to block all game. A bold use of a fantasy asset.
[Player] runs a perfect route, gets wide open, and is ignored in a way that feels personal.
[Player] catches 2 balls for 11 yards and a nice hug from a referee.
[Player] is "week-to-week" in the same way the sun is "day-to-day".
[Player] is targeted on a 3rd-and-17 and gains exactly 16 yards. Punt. Cry.
[Player] has his best game ever, but it is for the opposing fantasy manager in another league.
[Player] gets a 40-yard pass, then immediately "adjusts his gloves" and is injured. Tragic.
[Player] lines up as a tackle on 61% of snaps. A beautiful new career for him.
[Player] spikes the ball in celebration at the 3-yard line. He was not in the end zone.
[Player] gets a "catch" that is overturned. Then another. The ref is now his nemesis.

Kicker curses

[Player] hits the upright twice, then the other upright, then somehow the crossbar from the side.
[Player] gets one attempt: a 63-yarder into a headwind. Wide left. 0 points. 1 tear.
Coach goes for it on 4th-and-2 every time [Player] trots out. He watches from the bench like a retiree.
[Player] will be perfect on extra points and absolutely nothing else.
[Player] warms up well and then the snap is bad. The hold is worse. The kick is a prayer.
[Player] makes a 58-yarder... in pregame. Not counted.
[Player] gets 2 attempts, both blocked by someone who is not even tall.
[Player] kicks a perfect ball into the end zone... and it is a kickoff. For the other team.
The wind in the stadium is 22 mph. [Player] is aware. The ball is aware. Only the ball cares.
[Player] attempts a field goal, the holder pulls it back, and gets sacked at the 12. Points: 0. Dignity: also 0.
The crowd chants "WIDE LEFT" for [Player]. [Player] does not ignore it. Neither does the ball.

Defense curses

The [Player] defense allows a 99-yard drive, a 71-yard punt return, and a trick play from the 1989 playbook.
The [Player] will give up a touchdown to a tight end who was a high school wrestler. Net -2 points.
The [Player] offense turns it over 4 times in their own territory. The defense is simply tired.
The [Player] defense scores a tackle-for-loss. In the other team's highlight reel.
The [Player] defense lets a 4th-and-17 conversion happen. Then another. Then a trick play.
The [Player] defense generates 0 sacks, 0 turnovers and a lot of vibes.
The [Player] defense is gashed by a QB who has not thrown a TD all year. His mom is in the stands.
The [Player] defense is "bend, don't break" and then breaks every single time.
The [Player] defense gets a pick-six called back for a penalty on... the defense. In the end zone.
The [Player] defense allows a kick returner to run 98 yards. He has a hip flexor. He was walking.
The [Player] defense is "disguising coverages". The disguise is a clown nose. Fully see-through.

Curses that work on any player

[Player] will be "questionable" by Sunday morning, "inactive" by 11:58 AM, and "seen at brunch" by Monday.
[Player] tweaks something in warm-ups. He'll be fine. He will also score zero.
A mysterious flag erases [Player]'s only good play. The ref will not make eye contact.
[Player] finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
A localized thunderstorm forms over [Player]'s stadium. Only over [Player].
[Player] is on the field for exactly 38% of snaps in a "rotation" only the coach understands.
[Player] gets benched in a blowout at halftime. The team then comes back. He watches. Smiling.
[Player]'s best play of the day happens on a play where he is not the ball carrier.
[Player] gets "rested" in a week the team clinched nothing.
[Player] goes down with a "tweak" in a game that was already won. Never even needed him.
[Player]'s only highlight is a block, and it is not even a good one.
[Player] is a game-time decision, and the decision is made by a poltergeist.
[Player] gets a stat correction that takes away 2.4 points, 4 days later, at 3:17 AM.
[Player] will do something so quietly mediocre that the box score doubts he played.
The broadcast shows [Player] on the sideline with an ice pack for the entire 4th quarter.
[Player] is hit with a "pre-existing condition" that was not pre-existing until just now.
[Player] will be in the end zone. With the ball. And the whistle already blown. Dead ball.
[Player] sees a depth chart rewrite 11 minutes before kickoff. His name is now in smaller font.
Ref: "Number [Player], that's a flag." [Player]: "What flag?" Ref: "The one on the previous TD."
[Player] scores 0 fantasy points and is somehow also responsible for 2 turnovers.

Side effects for the manager

Every good hex hits the person behind the roster too.

Your opponent will refresh the app 40 times and treat the "projected" column like a crystal ball.
Your opponent's group chat goes dead silent at 4:25 PM ET. Nothing. Just dots.
Your opponent says "I'm not even mad." Your opponent is mad.
Your opponent will check the bench, see 31 points sitting there, and make a noise like a deflating bounce house.
Your opponent will sign up for the waiver wire at 3 AM. Someone else got there at 2:59.
Your opponent will draft a long, sad text and delete it. Twice.
Your opponent will "just check one more thing" and spiral into the Week 3 box scores.
Your opponent's lucky socks will be found in the dryer. Wrong ones. Mismatched. Doom.
Your opponent will say "that's fantasy" 6 times. That is not an acceptable number of times.
Your opponent will hit "start" on a bye-week player and call it "a vibe check".
Your opponent will watch every game from a sports bar, shouting at a TV that cannot hear him.
Your opponent will open the app, see -0.4 points on the bench kicker, and enter a trance.
Your opponent will say "it's only Week X" in a voice that does not match the sentence.
Your opponent will drop a player and watch him score 31 for the waiver winner. A scholarly pain.
Your opponent will take a very deep breath at 4:24 PM and not exhale until the 4th quarter ends.
Your opponent will say "lol" in the group chat. It will not be funny lol.
Your opponent will receive a trade offer from the winner that reads "nice try, buddy".
Your opponent's phone will auto-correct "I trust the process" to "I trust the pain".
Your opponent will suddenly become an expert in "snap counts" and "target share" at 12:55 PM.

Ritual ingredients

What the witch drops in the cauldron:

A single tear from a Cowboys fan
One hair from a referee who "didn't see it"
An unused timeout (still warm)
The ashes of a 2019 draft pick
Your opponent's lucky socks (unwashed since Week 1)
A bag of cold gas-station nachos
One (1) pre-owned hamstring
Eye of newt, toe of frog, and a "Questionable" tag
Powdered kicker confidence
The dying breath of a waiver claim
Smoke from a burning depth chart
A screenshot of Your opponent's trash talk, face down
A used challenge flag
The last HD stream that wasn't buffering
A fumbled football, blessed by nobody
The sacred tears of a #1 waiver priority
One bottle of luck. Empty. Recycled.
A dash of Week 17 resting-starters
The playbook your coordinator definitely lost
A single Cowboys jersey, ironically worn
A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
The soul of a QB who threw to the wrong team
A cup of hot cocoa, spilled on the depth chart
The last good thing Your opponent said about their lineup
A suspicious amount of glitter and a printed injury report
One (1) lucky coin, flipped incorrectly
A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
Powdered tears from a kicker who "was fine" at practice
A forgotten fantasy trophy from 2014
The echo of a referee saying "no catch"
A scorched fantasy football magazine, September issue
A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
A single sock, mismatched, from the Cowboys locker room

Hex a specific player

Pick any starter and get a custom curse: fantasy football curse generator.

FAQ

What is a fantasy football curse?

A fantasy football curse is a playful hex you put on your opponent's lineup: a made-up, jokey prediction of how their players will flop this week. Fantasy Witch generates one from your real Sleeper matchup, then gives you a share card for the league chat.

Do fantasy football curses actually work?

Sadly no. They are for trash talk and entertainment only. The witch does not control hamstrings, snap counts or the refs. We think.

How do I curse my fantasy opponent?

Open Fantasy Witch, enter your Sleeper username, pick your matchup and brew the curse. You get a shareable link and image to send to your league chat before kickoff.