The Inactive-at-11:58 Hex of Eli Stowers
Eli Stowers · PHI · TE
“Stowers gets benched in a blowout at halftime. The team then comes back. He watches. Smiling.” — Hexcellent Hilda
More ways the witch ruins Stowers's week
- Rookie Stowers gets the traditional hazing: the "Welcome to the League" curse.
- Stowers runs a perfect route, gets wide open, and is ignored in a way that feels personal.
76%POTENCY
-9.9PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
- The ashes of a 2019 draft pick
Incantation
Newt and bat and gridiron dust,
Stowers drops one, as all fantasy must,
Questionable by noon, in the witch we trust.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Saquon Barkley
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- DeVonta Smith
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
- Dalton Kincaid
FAQ
How do I curse Eli Stowers in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Eli Stowers is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Eli Stowers actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.