The Hamstring Hex of Eli Stowers
Eli Stowers · PHI · TE
“Rookie Stowers gets the traditional hazing: the "Welcome to the League" curse.” — Zelda the Zero-Pointer
More ways the witch ruins Stowers's week
- Stowers gets benched in a blowout at halftime. The team then comes back. He watches. Smiling.
- Stowers runs a perfect route, gets wide open, and is ignored in a way that feels personal.
77%POTENCY
-19.8PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
- A screenshot of your opponent's trash talk, face down
- The ashes of a 2019 draft pick
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
Incantation
By the pale blue light of the injury tag,
Stowers, hear me, and start to lag,
Your best play is a flag. Your worst is the bag.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Saquon Barkley
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- DeVonta Smith
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
- Dalton Kincaid
FAQ
How do I curse Eli Stowers in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Eli Stowers is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Eli Stowers actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.