The Gone-in-the-Fourth Hex of Eli Stowers
Eli Stowers · PHI · TE
“Stowers gets a 40-yard pass, then immediately "adjusts his gloves" and is injured. Tragic.” — Nana Nickelback
More ways the witch ruins Stowers's week
- Stowers will do something so quietly mediocre that the box score doubts he played.
- Rookie Stowers gets the traditional hazing: the "Welcome to the League" curse.
91%POTENCY
-9.3PTS DRAINED
Call an ExorcistVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
- The echo of a referee saying "no catch"
- your opponent's lucky socks (unwashed since Week 1)
Incantation
Hocus pocus, fumble focus,
Stowers's snap count, now a locust,
Waiver wire, hear my notice!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Saquon Barkley
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- DeVonta Smith
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
- Dalton Kincaid
FAQ
How do I curse Eli Stowers in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Eli Stowers is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Eli Stowers actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.