The Gone-in-the-Fourth Hex of Eli Stowers
Eli Stowers · PHI · TE
“Stowers gets chased around the field all game by the mascot of Vanderbilt's biggest rival.” — Zelda the Zero-Pointer
More ways the witch ruins Stowers's week
- A mysterious flag erases Stowers's only good play. The ref will not make eye contact.
- Stowers runs a perfect route, gets wide open, and is ignored in a way that feels personal.
74%POTENCY
-9PTS DRAINED
Seriously CursedVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- your opponent's lucky socks (unwashed since Week 1)
- The sacred tears of a #1 waiver priority
- A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
- A fumbled football, blessed by nobody
Incantation
Newt and bat and gridiron dust,
Stowers drops one, as all fantasy must,
Questionable by noon, in the witch we trust.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Saquon Barkley
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- DeVonta Smith
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
- Dalton Kincaid
FAQ
How do I curse Eli Stowers in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Eli Stowers is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Eli Stowers actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.