The Mystery Tweak Hex of Eli Stowers
Eli Stowers · PHI · TE
“Rookie Stowers gets the traditional hazing: the "Welcome to the League" curse.” — Zelda the Zero-Pointer
More ways the witch ruins Stowers's week
- Stowers sees a depth chart rewrite 11 minutes before kickoff. His name is now in smaller font.
- Stowers finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
77%POTENCY
-15.6PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The ashes of a 2019 draft pick
- A cup of hot cocoa, spilled on the depth chart
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A single tear from a Eagles fan
Incantation
By horn of fumbled ball,
By sack that drops them all,
Stowers, drop it, trip it, fall!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Saquon Barkley
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- DeVonta Smith
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
- Dalton Kincaid
FAQ
How do I curse Eli Stowers in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Eli Stowers is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Eli Stowers actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.