The Late Scratch Hex of Dallas Goedert
Dallas Goedert · PHI · TE
“Goedert goes down with a "tweak" in a game that was already won. Never even needed him.” — Auntie Audible
More ways the witch ruins Goedert's week
- Goedert runs a perfect route, gets wide open, and is ignored in a way that feels personal.
- Goedert will be "questionable" by Sunday morning, "inactive" by 11:58 AM, and "seen at brunch" by Monday.
79%POTENCY
-15.5PTS DRAINED
Seriously CursedVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A scorched fantasy football magazine, September issue
- A cup of hot cocoa, spilled on the depth chart
- your opponent's lucky socks (unwashed since Week 1)
- A single sock, mismatched, from the Colts locker room
Incantation
Bubble, bubble, benched in trouble,
Goedert drops it, double, double,
Hex, hex, hex, and the stat sheet's rubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Saquon Barkley
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- DeVonta Smith
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
- Dalton Kincaid
FAQ
How do I curse Dallas Goedert in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Dallas Goedert is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Dallas Goedert actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.