The Chip-and-Release Hex of Eli Stowers
Eli Stowers · PHI · TE
“Stowers runs a perfect route, gets wide open, and is ignored in a way that feels personal.” — The Old Crone of the Red Zone
More ways the witch ruins Stowers's week
- Stowers is on the field for exactly 38% of snaps in a "rotation" only the coach understands.
- Stowers lines up as a tackle on 61% of snaps. A beautiful new career for him.
76%POTENCY
-9.5PTS DRAINED
Seriously CursedVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Powdered tears from a kicker who "was fine" at practice
- One (1) pre-owned hamstring
- One (1) lucky coin, flipped incorrectly
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
Incantation
Hocus pocus, fumble focus,
Stowers's snap count, now a locust,
Waiver wire, hear my notice!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Saquon Barkley
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- DeVonta Smith
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
- Dalton Kincaid
FAQ
How do I curse Eli Stowers in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Eli Stowers is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Eli Stowers actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.