The Late Scratch Hex of Eli Stowers
Eli Stowers · PHI · TE
“Rookie Stowers gets the traditional hazing: the "Welcome to the League" curse.” — Auntie Audible
More ways the witch ruins Stowers's week
- Stowers finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
- The broadcast shows Stowers on the sideline with an ice pack for the entire 4th quarter.
85%POTENCY
-10.5PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- An unused timeout (still warm)
- The last good thing your opponent said about their lineup
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
- A single tear from a Bills fan
Incantation
By the pale blue light of the injury tag,
Stowers, hear me, and start to lag,
Your best play is a flag. Your worst is the bag.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Saquon Barkley
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- DeVonta Smith
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
- Dalton Kincaid
FAQ
How do I curse Eli Stowers in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Eli Stowers is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Eli Stowers actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.