The Invisible Route Hex of Eli Stowers
Eli Stowers · PHI · TE
“Stowers runs a perfect route, gets wide open, and is ignored in a way that feels personal.” — Lady Last-Minute Scratch
More ways the witch ruins Stowers's week
- Stowers finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
- Rookie Stowers gets the traditional hazing: the "Welcome to the League" curse.
75%POTENCY
-17.7PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A cup of hot cocoa, spilled on the depth chart
- A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
- The last HD stream that wasn't buffering
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
Incantation
Eye of Raiders, tongue of ref,
Bring Eagles down to grief,
Stowers scores zero, past belief!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Saquon Barkley
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- DeVonta Smith
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
- Dalton Kincaid
FAQ
How do I curse Eli Stowers in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Eli Stowers is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Eli Stowers actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.