The Hamstring Hex of Kirk Cousins
Kirk Cousins · MIN · QB
“Cousins gets hit on the arm in the first quarter and "plays through it" at 41% accuracy.” — Zelda the Zero-Pointer
More ways the witch ruins Cousins's week
- At 38, Cousins is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.
- Coach will call 4 straight handoffs inside the 5. For Cousins, the end zone is a rumor.
87%POTENCY
-18.9PTS DRAINED
Group Chat FuneralVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A single Jaguars jersey, ironically worn
- A screenshot of your opponent's trash talk, face down
- A suspicious amount of glitter and a printed injury report
Incantation
O ancient spirits of the lost challenge flag,
Take Cousins's points and put them in a bag,
Leave only a "DNP" and a sad little shrug.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Josh Allen
- Drake Maye
- Justin Jefferson
- Joe Burrow
- Caleb Williams
- Jayden Daniels
- Justin Herbert
- Dak Prescott
- Patrick Mahomes
- Trevor Lawrence
- Bo Nix
- Brock Purdy
FAQ
How do I curse Kirk Cousins in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Kirk Cousins is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Kirk Cousins actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.