The Gone-in-the-Fourth Hex of Sam LaPorta
Sam LaPorta · DET · TE
“LaPorta is a game-time decision, and the decision is made by a poltergeist.” — Mistress Misfire
More ways the witch ruins LaPorta's week
- LaPorta is hit with a "pre-existing condition" that was not pre-existing until just now.
- LaPorta finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
75%POTENCY
-14.5PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A fumbled football, blessed by nobody
- The ashes of a 2019 draft pick
- The sacred tears of a #1 waiver priority
- A single Jaguars jersey, ironically worn
Incantation
O ancient spirits of the lost challenge flag,
Take LaPorta's points and put them in a bag,
Leave only a "DNP" and a sad little shrug.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Jameson Williams
- Jared Goff
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
FAQ
How do I curse Sam LaPorta in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Sam LaPorta is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Sam LaPorta actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.