The Chip-and-Release Hex of Sam LaPorta
Sam LaPorta · DET · TE
“LaPorta will do something so quietly mediocre that the box score doubts he played.” — Auntie Audible
More ways the witch ruins LaPorta's week
- LaPorta gets benched in a blowout at halftime. The team then comes back. He watches. Smiling.
- LaPorta gets chased around the field all game by the mascot of Iowa's biggest rival.
91%POTENCY
-18.5PTS DRAINED
Total MeltdownVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The last good thing your opponent said about their lineup
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
- Powdered kicker confidence
- A fumbled football, blessed by nobody
Incantation
Spirits of the checkdown past,
Make LaPorta's Sunday dim and vast,
One yard short. The die is cast.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Jameson Williams
- Jared Goff
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
FAQ
How do I curse Sam LaPorta in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Sam LaPorta is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Sam LaPorta actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.