The Late Scratch Hex of Theo Johnson
Theo Johnson · NYG · TE
“Johnson will be in the end zone. With the ball. And the whistle already blown. Dead ball.” — Nana Nickelback
More ways the witch ruins Johnson's week
- Johnson will be "questionable" by Sunday morning, "inactive" by 11:58 AM, and "seen at brunch" by Monday.
- Johnson is on the field for exactly 38% of snaps in a "rotation" only the coach understands.
80%POTENCY
-16.8PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A single sock, mismatched, from the Chiefs locker room
- A suspicious amount of glitter and a printed injury report
- One bottle of luck. Empty. Recycled.
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
Incantation
By the pale blue light of the injury tag,
Johnson, hear me, and start to lag,
Your best play is a flag. Your worst is the bag.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- Malik Nabers
- Colston Loveland
- Cam Skattebo
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
- Dalton Kincaid
FAQ
How do I curse Theo Johnson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Theo Johnson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Theo Johnson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.