The Inactive-at-11:58 Hex of Colby Parkinson
Colby Parkinson · LAR · TE
“Parkinson sees a depth chart rewrite 11 minutes before kickoff. His name is now in smaller font.” — Auntie Audible
More ways the witch ruins Parkinson's week
- Parkinson runs a perfect route, gets wide open, and is ignored in a way that feels personal.
- Parkinson finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
89%POTENCY
-18.4PTS DRAINED
Total MeltdownVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The playbook your coordinator definitely lost
- A cup of hot cocoa, spilled on the depth chart
- A suspicious amount of glitter and a printed injury report
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
Incantation
By the pale blue light of the injury tag,
Parkinson, hear me, and start to lag,
Your best play is a flag. Your worst is the bag.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Kyren Williams
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Matthew Stafford
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- Blake Corum
- George Kittle
FAQ
How do I curse Colby Parkinson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Colby Parkinson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Colby Parkinson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.