The Mystery Tweak Hex of Colby Parkinson
Colby Parkinson · LAR · TE
“Parkinson's best play of the day happens on a play where he is not the ball carrier.” — The Old Crone of the Red Zone
More ways the witch ruins Parkinson's week
- Parkinson is on the field for exactly 38% of snaps in a "rotation" only the coach understands.
- A mysterious flag erases Parkinson's only good play. The ref will not make eye contact.
77%POTENCY
-13.6PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
- The echo of a referee saying "no catch"
- A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
Incantation
Eye of Dolphins, tongue of ref,
Bring Rams down to grief,
Parkinson scores zero, past belief!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Kyren Williams
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Sam LaPorta
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Matthew Stafford
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- Blake Corum
- George Kittle
FAQ
How do I curse Colby Parkinson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Colby Parkinson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Colby Parkinson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.