The Sideline-Scold Hex of Kirk Cousins
Kirk Cousins · MIN · QB
“At 38, Cousins is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.” — Lady Last-Minute Scratch
More ways the witch ruins Cousins's week
- Cousins will throw a pick-six, then a safety, then apologize to his offensive line in the post-game presser.
- Cousins gets a stat correction that takes away 2.4 points, 4 days later, at 3:17 AM.
88%POTENCY
-11.2PTS DRAINED
Call an ExorcistVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A cup of hot cocoa, spilled on the depth chart
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- The soul of a QB who threw to the wrong team
- The dying breath of a waiver claim
Incantation
Newt and bat and gridiron dust,
Cousins drops one, as all fantasy must,
Questionable by noon, in the witch we trust.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Josh Allen
- Drake Maye
- Justin Jefferson
- Joe Burrow
- Jayden Daniels
- Caleb Williams
- Justin Herbert
- Dak Prescott
- Patrick Mahomes
- Trevor Lawrence
- Bo Nix
- Brock Purdy
FAQ
How do I curse Kirk Cousins in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Kirk Cousins is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Kirk Cousins actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.