The Late Scratch Hex of Riley Patterson
Riley Patterson · BAL · K
“Patterson hits the upright twice, then the other upright, then somehow the crossbar from the side.” — Aunt Prevent
More ways the witch ruins Patterson's week
- Patterson gets benched in a blowout at halftime. The team then comes back. He watches. Smiling.
- Patterson gets 2 attempts, both blocked by someone who is not even tall.
72%POTENCY
-13.2PTS DRAINED
Ruined BrunchVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A scorched fantasy football magazine, September issue
- A single sock, mismatched, from the Bears locker room
- The last HD stream that wasn't buffering
Incantation
Hocus pocus, fumble focus,
Patterson's snap count, now a locust,
Waiver wire, hear my notice!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Derrick Henry
- Zay Flowers
- Brandon Aubrey
- Mark Andrews
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Ja'Kobi Lane
- Jake Bates
- Chris Boswell
- Harrison Mevis
FAQ
How do I curse Riley Patterson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Riley Patterson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Riley Patterson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.