The Shank Hex of Riley Patterson
Riley Patterson · BAL · K
“The broadcast shows Patterson on the sideline with an ice pack for the entire 4th quarter.” — Auntie Audible
More ways the witch ruins Patterson's week
- Patterson gets chased around the field all game by the mascot of Memphis's biggest rival.
- Patterson finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
74%POTENCY
-15.8PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- One (1) lucky coin, flipped incorrectly
- A forgotten fantasy trophy from 2014
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
Incantation
Double, double, toil and trouble,
Patterson's stat line, now a rubble,
Inactive by kickoff, pop that bubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Derrick Henry
- Zay Flowers
- Brandon Aubrey
- Mark Andrews
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- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Ja'Kobi Lane
- Jake Bates
- Chris Boswell
- Harrison Mevis
FAQ
How do I curse Riley Patterson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Riley Patterson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Riley Patterson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.