The Late Scratch Hex of Riley Patterson
Riley Patterson · BAL · K
“Patterson is on the field for exactly 38% of snaps in a "rotation" only the coach understands.” — Baba Blitz
More ways the witch ruins Patterson's week
- Patterson is hit with a "pre-existing condition" that was not pre-existing until just now.
- Patterson hits the upright twice, then the other upright, then somehow the crossbar from the side.
92%POTENCY
-16.9PTS DRAINED
Total MeltdownVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
- The last HD stream that wasn't buffering
- A scorched fantasy football magazine, September issue
Incantation
O ancient spirits of the lost challenge flag,
Take Patterson's points and put them in a bag,
Leave only a "DNP" and a sad little shrug.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Derrick Henry
- Zay Flowers
- Brandon Aubrey
- Mark Andrews
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Ja'Kobi Lane
- Jake Bates
- Chris Boswell
- Harrison Mevis
FAQ
How do I curse Riley Patterson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Riley Patterson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Riley Patterson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.