The Phantom Flag Hex of Sam LaPorta
Sam LaPorta · DET · TE
“LaPorta's best play of the day happens on a play where he is not the ball carrier.” — Aunt Prevent
More ways the witch ruins LaPorta's week
- LaPorta runs a perfect route, gets wide open, and is ignored in a way that feels personal.
- LaPorta finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
89%POTENCY
-9.8PTS DRAINED
Call an ExorcistVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- An unused timeout (still warm)
- A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
- A used challenge flag
- A single Commanders jersey, ironically worn
Incantation
Eye of Commanders, tongue of ref,
Bring Lions down to grief,
LaPorta scores zero, past belief!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Jameson Williams
- Jared Goff
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
FAQ
How do I curse Sam LaPorta in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Sam LaPorta is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Sam LaPorta actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.