The Chip-and-Release Hex of Sam LaPorta
Sam LaPorta · DET · TE
“LaPorta tweaks something in warm-ups. He'll be fine. He will also score zero.” — Aunt Prevent
More ways the witch ruins LaPorta's week
- LaPorta runs a perfect route, gets wide open, and is ignored in a way that feels personal.
- LaPorta gets benched in a blowout at halftime. The team then comes back. He watches. Smiling.
84%POTENCY
-9.9PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
- your opponent's lucky socks (unwashed since Week 1)
- A screenshot of your opponent's trash talk, face down
- A single sock, mismatched, from the Colts locker room
Incantation
Eye of Raiders, tongue of ref,
Bring Lions down to grief,
LaPorta scores zero, past belief!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Jameson Williams
- Jared Goff
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
FAQ
How do I curse Sam LaPorta in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Sam LaPorta is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Sam LaPorta actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.