The Chip-and-Release Hex of Sam LaPorta
Sam LaPorta · DET · TE
“LaPorta will do something so quietly mediocre that the box score doubts he played.” — The Old Crone of the Red Zone
More ways the witch ruins LaPorta's week
- LaPorta finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
- LaPorta gets chased around the field all game by the mascot of Iowa's biggest rival.
84%POTENCY
-13.7PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A used challenge flag
- A scorched fantasy football magazine, September issue
- A screenshot of your opponent's trash talk, face down
- The last good thing your opponent said about their lineup
Incantation
By the pale blue light of the injury tag,
LaPorta, hear me, and start to lag,
Your best play is a flag. Your worst is the bag.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Brock Bowers
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- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Jameson Williams
- Jared Goff
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
FAQ
How do I curse Sam LaPorta in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Sam LaPorta is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Sam LaPorta actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.