The Mystery Tweak Hex of Sam LaPorta
Sam LaPorta · DET · TE
“LaPorta finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.” — The Old Crone of the Red Zone
More ways the witch ruins LaPorta's week
- LaPorta lines up as a tackle on 61% of snaps. A beautiful new career for him.
- LaPorta will be "questionable" by Sunday morning, "inactive" by 11:58 AM, and "seen at brunch" by Monday.
72%POTENCY
-11.5PTS DRAINED
Eye-Roll MaterialVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- One hair from a referee who "didn't see it"
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- The last HD stream that wasn't buffering
- Powdered kicker confidence
Incantation
Double, double, toil and trouble,
LaPorta's stat line, now a rubble,
Inactive by kickoff, pop that bubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Jameson Williams
- Jared Goff
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
FAQ
How do I curse Sam LaPorta in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Sam LaPorta is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Sam LaPorta actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.