The Snap Count Hex of Sam LaPorta
Sam LaPorta · DET · TE
“LaPorta's only highlight is a block, and it is not even a good one.” — Baba Blitz
More ways the witch ruins LaPorta's week
- LaPorta is "week-to-week" in the same way the sun is "day-to-day".
- LaPorta gets chased around the field all game by the mascot of Iowa's biggest rival.
82%POTENCY
-11.2PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- The playbook your coordinator definitely lost
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
- One (1) pre-owned hamstring
Incantation
Bubble, bubble, benched in trouble,
LaPorta drops it, double, double,
Hex, hex, hex, and the stat sheet's rubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Brock Bowers
- Trey McBride
- Colston Loveland
- Tyler Warren
- Jameson Williams
- Jared Goff
- Harold Fannin Jr.
- Tucker Kraft
- Kyle Pitts Sr.
- George Kittle
FAQ
How do I curse Sam LaPorta in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Sam LaPorta is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Sam LaPorta actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.