The Shank Hex of Cairo Santos
Cairo Santos · CHI · K
“The broadcast shows Santos on the sideline with an ice pack for the entire 4th quarter.” — Sister Sack
More ways the witch ruins Santos's week
- At 35, Santos is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.
- Santos makes a 58-yarder... in pregame. Not counted.
72%POTENCY
-10.5PTS DRAINED
Ruined BrunchVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- Smoke from a burning depth chart
- Powdered tears from a kicker who "was fine" at practice
- One bottle of luck. Empty. Recycled.
Incantation
Eye of Cowboys, tongue of ref,
Bring Bears down to grief,
Santos scores zero, past belief!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Caleb Williams
- Colston Loveland
- Luther Burden III
- D'Andre Swift
- Kyle Monangai
- Rome Odunze
- Brandon Aubrey
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Jake Bates
FAQ
How do I curse Cairo Santos in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Cairo Santos is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Cairo Santos actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.