The Shank Hex of Cairo Santos
Cairo Santos · CHI · K
“At 35, Santos is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.” — Lady Last-Minute Scratch
More ways the witch ruins Santos's week
- Santos gets one attempt: a 63-yarder into a headwind. Wide left. 0 points. 1 tear.
- Santos will do something so quietly mediocre that the box score doubts he played.
82%POTENCY
-18PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- One bottle of luck. Empty. Recycled.
- The last good thing your opponent said about their lineup
- One (1) lucky coin, flipped incorrectly
- The sacred tears of a #1 waiver priority
Incantation
Bubble, bubble, benched in trouble,
Santos drops it, double, double,
Hex, hex, hex, and the stat sheet's rubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
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- Brandon Aubrey
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
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FAQ
How do I curse Cairo Santos in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Cairo Santos is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Cairo Santos actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.