The Wide Left Hex of Cairo Santos
Cairo Santos · CHI · K
“The wind in the stadium is 22 mph. Santos is aware. The ball is aware. Only the ball cares.” — Granny Gridiron
More ways the witch ruins Santos's week
- At 35, Santos is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.
- Santos kicks a perfect ball into the end zone... and it is a kickoff. For the other team.
90%POTENCY
-9.4PTS DRAINED
Total MeltdownVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The playbook your coordinator definitely lost
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
- A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
- The sacred tears of a #1 waiver priority
Incantation
Newt and bat and gridiron dust,
Santos drops one, as all fantasy must,
Questionable by noon, in the witch we trust.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
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- Brandon Aubrey
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Jake Bates
FAQ
How do I curse Cairo Santos in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Cairo Santos is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Cairo Santos actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.