The Gone-in-the-Fourth Hex of Jake Bates
Jake Bates · DET · K
“Bates will do something so quietly mediocre that the box score doubts he played.” — Hexcellent Hilda
More ways the witch ruins Bates's week
- Coach goes for it on 4th-and-2 every time Bates trots out. He watches from the bench like a retiree.
- Bates finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
73%POTENCY
-12.3PTS DRAINED
Sunday RuinerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Powdered tears from a kicker who "was fine" at practice
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
- The playbook your coordinator definitely lost
Incantation
Eye of Titans, tongue of ref,
Bring Lions down to grief,
Bates scores zero, past belief!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Jameson Williams
- Sam LaPorta
- Jared Goff
- Brandon Aubrey
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Chris Boswell
- Harrison Mevis
FAQ
How do I curse Jake Bates in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Jake Bates is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Jake Bates actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.