The Sideline-Scold Hex of Jared Goff
Jared Goff · DET · QB
“Goff slides before the first-down marker, a moral victory for his health and nobody else.” — Auntie Audible
More ways the witch ruins Goff's week
- Goff will scan the entire field, find nobody open, and take a 9-yard sack for his trouble.
- Goff will be pressured on 9 of 10 dropbacks. The tenth is a screen that gets blown up for a loss.
88%POTENCY
-12.1PTS DRAINED
Group Chat FuneralVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Smoke from a burning depth chart
- your opponent's lucky socks (unwashed since Week 1)
- The playbook your coordinator definitely lost
- A single Colts jersey, ironically worn
Incantation
By horn of fumbled ball,
By sack that drops them all,
Goff, drop it, trip it, fall!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Josh Allen
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Drake Maye
- Joe Burrow
- Caleb Williams
- Jayden Daniels
- Justin Herbert
- Dak Prescott
- Patrick Mahomes
- Trevor Lawrence
- Bo Nix
FAQ
How do I curse Jared Goff in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Jared Goff is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Jared Goff actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.