The Out-of-Bounds Hex of Keenan Allen
Keenan Allen · SF · WR
“At 34, Allen is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.” — The Old Crone of the Red Zone
More ways the witch ruins Allen's week
- A mysterious flag erases Allen's only good play. The ref will not make eye contact.
- Allen is hit with a "pre-existing condition" that was not pre-existing until just now.
77%POTENCY
-19.3PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
- A single sock, mismatched, from the Dolphins locker room
- A forgotten fantasy trophy from 2014
Incantation
Bubble, bubble, benched in trouble,
Allen drops it, double, double,
Hex, hex, hex, and the stat sheet's rubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Ja'Marr Chase
- Christian McCaffrey
- Puka Nacua
- Jaxon Smith-Njigba
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- CeeDee Lamb
- Justin Jefferson
- A.J. Brown
- Drake London
- Nico Collins
- George Pickens
- Malik Nabers
FAQ
How do I curse Keenan Allen in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Keenan Allen is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Keenan Allen actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.