The Sideline-Scold Hex of Kirk Cousins
Kirk Cousins · MIN · QB
“Cousins will throw for 340 yards and 0 touchdowns. The efficiency of a parking ticket.” — Madame Waiver Wire
More ways the witch ruins Cousins's week
- At 38, Cousins is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.
- Ref: "Number Cousins, that's a flag." Cousins: "What flag?" Ref: "The one on the previous TD."
81%POTENCY
-19.4PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The echo of a referee saying "no catch"
- A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
- A single sock, mismatched, from the Ravens locker room
- A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
Incantation
O ancient spirits of the lost challenge flag,
Take Cousins's points and put them in a bag,
Leave only a "DNP" and a sad little shrug.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Josh Allen
- Drake Maye
- Justin Jefferson
- Joe Burrow
- Jayden Daniels
- Caleb Williams
- Justin Herbert
- Dak Prescott
- Patrick Mahomes
- Trevor Lawrence
- Bo Nix
- Brock Purdy
FAQ
How do I curse Kirk Cousins in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Kirk Cousins is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Kirk Cousins actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.