The Kneel-Down Hex of Kirk Cousins
Kirk Cousins · MIN · QB
“Cousins is a game-time decision, and the decision is made by a poltergeist.” — Sister Sack
More ways the witch ruins Cousins's week
- At 38, Cousins is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.
- Cousins will throw for 340 yards and 0 touchdowns. The efficiency of a parking ticket.
75%POTENCY
-13.3PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
- One hair from a referee who "didn't see it"
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
Incantation
Double, double, toil and trouble,
Cousins's stat line, now a rubble,
Inactive by kickoff, pop that bubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Josh Allen
- Drake Maye
- Justin Jefferson
- Joe Burrow
- Caleb Williams
- Jayden Daniels
- Justin Herbert
- Dak Prescott
- Patrick Mahomes
- Trevor Lawrence
- Bo Nix
- Brock Purdy
FAQ
How do I curse Kirk Cousins in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Kirk Cousins is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Kirk Cousins actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.