The Late Scratch Hex of Kirk Cousins
Kirk Cousins · MIN · QB
“At 38, Cousins is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.” — Granny Gridiron
More ways the witch ruins Cousins's week
- Cousins leads a 14-play, 9-minute drive that ends in a field goal. Fantasy points: 1.6.
- Cousins is on the field for exactly 38% of snaps in a "rotation" only the coach understands.
80%POTENCY
-10.1PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The echo of a referee saying "no catch"
- A cup of hot cocoa, spilled on the depth chart
- Eye of newt, toe of frog, and a "Questionable" tag
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
Incantation
O ancient spirits of the lost challenge flag,
Take Cousins's points and put them in a bag,
Leave only a "DNP" and a sad little shrug.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Josh Allen
- Drake Maye
- Justin Jefferson
- Joe Burrow
- Jayden Daniels
- Caleb Williams
- Justin Herbert
- Dak Prescott
- Patrick Mahomes
- Trevor Lawrence
- Bo Nix
- Brock Purdy
FAQ
How do I curse Kirk Cousins in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Kirk Cousins is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Kirk Cousins actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.