The Inch-Short Hex of Matthew Golden
Matthew Golden · GB · WR
“Golden is hit with a "pre-existing condition" that was not pre-existing until just now.” — Granny Gridiron
More ways the witch ruins Golden's week
- Golden will be "questionable" by Sunday morning, "inactive" by 11:58 AM, and "seen at brunch" by Monday.
- Golden does a touchdown dance for a TD that is overturned by review. Slowly. With zoom.
80%POTENCY
-9.1PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The echo of a referee saying "no catch"
- The last HD stream that wasn't buffering
- One bottle of luck. Empty. Recycled.
- One hair from a referee who "didn't see it"
Incantation
Hocus pocus, fumble focus,
Golden's snap count, now a locust,
Waiver wire, hear my notice!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Ja'Marr Chase
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Jaxon Smith-Njigba
- CeeDee Lamb
- Justin Jefferson
- A.J. Brown
- Drake London
- Josh Jacobs
- Nico Collins
- George Pickens
- Malik Nabers
- Chris Olave
FAQ
How do I curse Matthew Golden in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Matthew Golden is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Matthew Golden actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.