The Gone-in-the-Fourth Hex of New England Patriots
New England Patriots defense
“The Patriots defense allows a kick returner to run 98 yards. He has a hip flexor. He was walking.” — Sister Sack
More ways the witch ruins New England Patriots defense's week
- The Patriots defense is "bend, don't break" and then breaks every single time.
- The Patriots defense is "disguising coverages". The disguise is a clown nose. Fully see-through.
80%POTENCY
-16PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Smoke from a burning depth chart
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A single Raiders jersey, ironically worn
- The last HD stream that wasn't buffering
Incantation
Spirits of the checkdown past,
Make Patriots's Sunday dim and vast,
One yard short. The die is cast.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Drake Maye
- A.J. Brown
- TreVeyon Henderson
- Rhamondre Stevenson
- Hunter Henry
- Andy Borregales
- Kyle Williams
- Cameron Latu
- Eli Raridon
- Houston Texans
- Baltimore Ravens
- Pittsburgh Steelers
FAQ
How do I curse New England Patriots defense in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If New England Patriots defense is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing New England Patriots defense actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.