The Garbage-Time Hex of New England Patriots
New England Patriots defense
“The Patriots defense allows a 99-yard drive, a 71-yard punt return, and a trick play from the 1989 playbook.” — The Hex-Pert
More ways the witch ruins New England Patriots defense's week
- The Patriots defense is "disguising coverages". The disguise is a clown nose. Fully see-through.
- The Patriots will give up a touchdown to a tight end who was a high school wrestler. Net -2 points.
84%POTENCY
-17.6PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Powdered tears from a kicker who "was fine" at practice
- One hair from a referee who "didn't see it"
- The soul of a QB who threw to the wrong team
- A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
Incantation
Bubble, bubble, benched in trouble,
Patriots drops it, double, double,
Hex, hex, hex, and the stat sheet's rubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Drake Maye
- A.J. Brown
- TreVeyon Henderson
- Rhamondre Stevenson
- Hunter Henry
- Andy Borregales
- Kyle Williams
- Cameron Latu
- Eli Raridon
- Houston Texans
- Baltimore Ravens
- Pittsburgh Steelers
FAQ
How do I curse New England Patriots defense in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If New England Patriots defense is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing New England Patriots defense actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.