The Doink Hex of Riley Patterson
Riley Patterson · BAL · K
“Patterson warms up well and then the snap is bad. The hold is worse. The kick is a prayer.” — Zelda the Zero-Pointer
More ways the witch ruins Patterson's week
- Patterson hits the upright twice, then the other upright, then somehow the crossbar from the side.
- Patterson gets chased around the field all game by the mascot of Memphis's biggest rival.
81%POTENCY
-9.5PTS DRAINED
Season WobblerVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
- The dying breath of a waiver claim
- A scorched fantasy football magazine, September issue
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
Incantation
Patterson, Patterson, in the pale moonlight,
May your target share shrink out of sight,
And may the ref not see your catch tonight.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Derrick Henry
- Zay Flowers
- Brandon Aubrey
- Mark Andrews
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Ja'Kobi Lane
- Jake Bates
- Chris Boswell
- Evan McPherson
FAQ
How do I curse Riley Patterson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Riley Patterson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Riley Patterson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.