The Doink Hex of Riley Patterson
Riley Patterson · BAL · K
“Patterson's best play of the day happens on a play where he is not the ball carrier.” — Hexcellent Hilda
More ways the witch ruins Patterson's week
- Patterson hits the upright twice, then the other upright, then somehow the crossbar from the side.
- Patterson finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
84%POTENCY
-9.6PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A single Giants jersey, ironically worn
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
- The soul of a QB who threw to the wrong team
- A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
Incantation
Hocus pocus, fumble focus,
Patterson's snap count, now a locust,
Waiver wire, hear my notice!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Derrick Henry
- Zay Flowers
- Brandon Aubrey
- Mark Andrews
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Ja'Kobi Lane
- Jake Bates
- Chris Boswell
- Harrison Mevis
FAQ
How do I curse Riley Patterson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Riley Patterson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Riley Patterson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.