The Doink Hex of Riley Patterson
Riley Patterson · BAL · K
“Patterson hits the upright twice, then the other upright, then somehow the crossbar from the side.” — Aunt Prevent
More ways the witch ruins Patterson's week
- Patterson scores 0 fantasy points and is somehow also responsible for 2 turnovers.
- Patterson sees a depth chart rewrite 11 minutes before kickoff. His name is now in smaller font.
72%POTENCY
-17.5PTS DRAINED
Eye-Roll MaterialVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The sacred tears of a #1 waiver priority
- A screenshot of your opponent's trash talk, face down
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
- One (1) lucky coin, flipped incorrectly
Incantation
Newt and bat and gridiron dust,
Patterson drops one, as all fantasy must,
Questionable by noon, in the witch we trust.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
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FAQ
How do I curse Riley Patterson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Riley Patterson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Riley Patterson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.