The Wide Left Hex of Riley Patterson
Riley Patterson · BAL · K
“The wind in the stadium is 22 mph. Patterson is aware. The ball is aware. Only the ball cares.” — Lady Last-Minute Scratch
More ways the witch ruins Patterson's week
- A mysterious flag erases Patterson's only good play. The ref will not make eye contact.
- Patterson gets benched in a blowout at halftime. The team then comes back. He watches. Smiling.
91%POTENCY
-15.7PTS DRAINED
Total MeltdownVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The playbook your coordinator definitely lost
- The sacred tears of a #1 waiver priority
- A single Dolphins jersey, ironically worn
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
Incantation
By the pale blue light of the injury tag,
Patterson, hear me, and start to lag,
Your best play is a flag. Your worst is the bag.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
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FAQ
How do I curse Riley Patterson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Riley Patterson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Riley Patterson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.