The Inactive-at-11:58 Hex of Riley Patterson
Riley Patterson · BAL · K
“Patterson will do something so quietly mediocre that the box score doubts he played.” — Zelda the Zero-Pointer
More ways the witch ruins Patterson's week
- Patterson finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
- Patterson is hit with a "pre-existing condition" that was not pre-existing until just now.
75%POTENCY
-14.3PTS DRAINED
Seriously CursedVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The last good thing your opponent said about their lineup
- A single sock, mismatched, from the Rams locker room
- Powdered tears from a kicker who "was fine" at practice
- One hair from a referee who "didn't see it"
Incantation
Spirits of the checkdown past,
Make Patterson's Sunday dim and vast,
One yard short. The die is cast.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Derrick Henry
- Zay Flowers
- Brandon Aubrey
- Mark Andrews
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Ja'Kobi Lane
- Jake Bates
- Chris Boswell
- Evan McPherson
FAQ
How do I curse Riley Patterson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Riley Patterson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Riley Patterson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.