The Shank Hex of Riley Patterson
Riley Patterson · BAL · K
“Patterson gets chased around the field all game by the mascot of Memphis's biggest rival.” — Nana Nickelback
More ways the witch ruins Patterson's week
- The crowd chants "WIDE LEFT" for Patterson. Patterson does not ignore it. Neither does the ball.
- Patterson is on the field for exactly 38% of snaps in a "rotation" only the coach understands.
80%POTENCY
-13.6PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A forgotten fantasy trophy from 2014
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
- One (1) lucky coin, flipped incorrectly
- A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
Incantation
Bubble, bubble, benched in trouble,
Patterson drops it, double, double,
Hex, hex, hex, and the stat sheet's rubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Derrick Henry
- Zay Flowers
- Brandon Aubrey
- Mark Andrews
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Ja'Kobi Lane
- Jake Bates
- Chris Boswell
- Evan McPherson
FAQ
How do I curse Riley Patterson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Riley Patterson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Riley Patterson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.