The Inactive-at-11:58 Hex of Riley Patterson
Riley Patterson · BAL · K
“Patterson hits the upright twice, then the other upright, then somehow the crossbar from the side.” — Baba Blitz
More ways the witch ruins Patterson's week
- Patterson gets one attempt: a 63-yarder into a headwind. Wide left. 0 points. 1 tear.
- Patterson is on the field for exactly 38% of snaps in a "rotation" only the coach understands.
83%POTENCY
-17.3PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
- A forgotten fantasy trophy from 2014
- One (1) pre-owned hamstring
Incantation
Spirits of the checkdown past,
Make Patterson's Sunday dim and vast,
One yard short. The die is cast.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Derrick Henry
- Zay Flowers
- Brandon Aubrey
- Mark Andrews
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Ja'Kobi Lane
- Jake Bates
- Chris Boswell
- Evan McPherson
FAQ
How do I curse Riley Patterson in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Riley Patterson is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Riley Patterson actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.