The Shank Hex of Jake Bates
Jake Bates · DET · K
“The wind in the stadium is 22 mph. Bates is aware. The ball is aware. Only the ball cares.” — Lady Last-Minute Scratch
More ways the witch ruins Bates's week
- Bates attempts a field goal, the holder pulls it back, and gets sacked at the 12. Points: 0. Dignity: also 0.
- Bates will do something so quietly mediocre that the box score doubts he played.
82%POTENCY
-14.5PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- One bottle of luck. Empty. Recycled.
- The soul of a QB who threw to the wrong team
- A single Dolphins jersey, ironically worn
- A scorched fantasy football magazine, September issue
Incantation
Hocus pocus, fumble focus,
Bates's snap count, now a locust,
Waiver wire, hear my notice!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Jameson Williams
- Sam LaPorta
- Jared Goff
- Brandon Aubrey
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Chris Boswell
- Harrison Mevis
FAQ
How do I curse Jake Bates in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Jake Bates is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Jake Bates actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.