The Wide Left Hex of Jake Bates
Jake Bates · DET · K
“Coach goes for it on 4th-and-2 every time Bates trots out. He watches from the bench like a retiree.” — Lady Last-Minute Scratch
More ways the witch ruins Bates's week
- Bates gets one attempt: a 63-yarder into a headwind. Wide left. 0 points. 1 tear.
- Bates hits the upright twice, then the other upright, then somehow the crossbar from the side.
85%POTENCY
-13.5PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- The playbook your coordinator definitely lost
- A cup of hot cocoa, spilled on the depth chart
- One (1) lucky coin, flipped incorrectly
Incantation
Newt and bat and gridiron dust,
Bates drops one, as all fantasy must,
Questionable by noon, in the witch we trust.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Jameson Williams
- Sam LaPorta
- Jared Goff
- Brandon Aubrey
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Chris Boswell
- Evan McPherson
FAQ
How do I curse Jake Bates in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Jake Bates is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Jake Bates actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.