The Late Scratch Hex of Jake Bates
Jake Bates · DET · K
“Bates warms up well and then the snap is bad. The hold is worse. The kick is a prayer.” — Auntie Audible
More ways the witch ruins Bates's week
- Bates gets one attempt: a 63-yarder into a headwind. Wide left. 0 points. 1 tear.
- Bates finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
89%POTENCY
-19.8PTS DRAINED
Total MeltdownVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
- A single tear from a Cowboys fan
- your opponent's lucky socks (unwashed since Week 1)
- An unused timeout (still warm)
Incantation
Double, double, toil and trouble,
Bates's stat line, now a rubble,
Inactive by kickoff, pop that bubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Jahmyr Gibbs
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Jameson Williams
- Sam LaPorta
- Jared Goff
- Brandon Aubrey
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Ka'imi Fairbairn
- Cam Little
- Chris Boswell
- Evan McPherson
FAQ
How do I curse Jake Bates in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Jake Bates is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Jake Bates actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.