The Doink Hex of Ka'imi Fairbairn
Ka'imi Fairbairn · HOU · K
“Coach goes for it on 4th-and-2 every time Fairbairn trots out. He watches from the bench like a retiree.” — Zelda the Zero-Pointer
More ways the witch ruins Fairbairn's week
- The wind in the stadium is 22 mph. Fairbairn is aware. The ball is aware. Only the ball cares.
- Fairbairn hits the upright twice, then the other upright, then somehow the crossbar from the side.
73%POTENCY
-14PTS DRAINED
Ruined BrunchVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A bottle of "I'm not superstitious" (it's empty)
- Powdered kicker confidence
- The ashes of a 2019 draft pick
- A suspicious amount of glitter and a printed injury report
Incantation
Newt and bat and gridiron dust,
Fairbairn drops one, as all fantasy must,
Questionable by noon, in the witch we trust.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Nico Collins
- David Montgomery
- Marvin Harrison Jr.
- Brandon Aubrey
- Dalton Schultz
- C.J. Stroud
- Woody Marks
- Cameron Dicker
- Jason Myers
- Cam Little
- Jake Bates
- Chris Boswell
FAQ
How do I curse Ka'imi Fairbairn in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Ka'imi Fairbairn is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Ka'imi Fairbairn actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.