The Sunday Night Fade Hex of Keenan Allen
Keenan Allen · SF · WR
“Allen finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.” — Mother Matchup
More ways the witch ruins Allen's week
- Allen gets benched in a blowout at halftime. The team then comes back. He watches. Smiling.
- At 34, Allen is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.
74%POTENCY
-19.8PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The echo of a referee saying "no catch"
- Powdered tears from a kicker who "was fine" at practice
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
Incantation
Hocus pocus, fumble focus,
Allen's snap count, now a locust,
Waiver wire, hear my notice!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Ja'Marr Chase
- Christian McCaffrey
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Jaxon Smith-Njigba
- CeeDee Lamb
- Justin Jefferson
- A.J. Brown
- Drake London
- Nico Collins
- George Pickens
- Malik Nabers
- Chris Olave
FAQ
How do I curse Keenan Allen in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Keenan Allen is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Keenan Allen actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.