The Inch-Short Hex of Matthew Golden
Matthew Golden · GB · WR
“Golden scores a 60-yard TD. It is called back for holding on a guy named Gary.” — Mistress Misfire
More ways the witch ruins Golden's week
- Golden is on the field for exactly 38% of snaps in a "rotation" only the coach understands.
- Golden finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
72%POTENCY
-10.6PTS DRAINED
Ruined BrunchVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- The sacred tears of a #1 waiver priority
- Powdered tears from a kicker who "was fine" at practice
- One (1) lucky coin, flipped incorrectly
- The playbook your coordinator definitely lost
Incantation
By horn of fumbled ball,
By sack that drops them all,
Golden, drop it, trip it, fall!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Ja'Marr Chase
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Jaxon Smith-Njigba
- CeeDee Lamb
- Justin Jefferson
- A.J. Brown
- Drake London
- Josh Jacobs
- Nico Collins
- George Pickens
- Malik Nabers
- Chris Olave
FAQ
How do I curse Matthew Golden in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Matthew Golden is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Matthew Golden actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.